I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
