Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
