she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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