I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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