Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
