what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I checked into jail on foursquare
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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