hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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