hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
