You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
