I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
