the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
