I bet he comes in French.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
