the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
