Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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