Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
