Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
