I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
