idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
false alarm, still single
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