Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
