The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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