You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
