i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
