no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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