I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is my gift to your gina
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
