I am puke
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
