A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
