i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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