Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
