My first STD was from a foam party
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
