3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
