I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
