One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
