Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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