I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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