It's Friday. Sex?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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