I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
