I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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