i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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