he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
