You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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