So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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