Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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