a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
