i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
