shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
