but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
