She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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