So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we're so committed to being not committed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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