I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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