Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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