yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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