What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
