You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
