that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your cock deserves a montage
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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