Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
