Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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