Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
