My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
