I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize