You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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