she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
