Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
