i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
