i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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