FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
